That awkward moment when you realise your favourite song is actually about crystal meth.

Three years ago I confessed here on Mamamia about a rather embarrassing episode where I was publicly outed for singing the wrong song lyrics. Do you remember? You don’t? Well, cue the fog machine and the xylophone because let’s go back in time and I’ll remind you of what went down:

I got caught singing the wrong lyrics to a song. I was trying to look cool at the gym while running on the treadmill. Trying to look hip in front of Jason my trainer who has the looks of The Commando and the personality of, well, The Commando.

And I found myself attempting to sing along to some cool-ass-gangster-rap-hip-hop-yo-yo-wassup-dawg song as I shuffled along on the treadmill like Cliff Young. And somehow I ended up singing the words “Like a cheese stick, like a cheese stick” to a song that apparently is not dairy-focused. The song is called “Like a G6”. Allegedly. I think that sounds ridiculous. I mean, what the hell is a G6? My trainer however thought this was HYSTERICAL.Oh how we laughed at my mistake. Well, he laughed. I made a mental note to send him an email virus.

Thankfully after this humiliation, friends revealed to me some of their own lyrical car crashes. Cheap Wine and A Three Day Roast (Cheap Wine and A Three Day Growth by Cold Chisel); Save the Whales (Sail Away by Enya); Turn the Heater On (Turn The Beat Around by Gloria Estefan); Alex The Seal (Our Lips Are Sealed by The Go-Gos). And then there was my personal favourite: Our Father And Mark and Kevin (Our Father Who Art in Heaven, The Lord’s Prayer).

I just really love the idea that Jesus had these two other brothers called Mark and Kevin roaming around like the Biblical version of the Daddo brothers or something.

Anyway.

Three years later and I had another confronting experience with song lyrics but this time I wasn’t getting the lyrics wrong. This time I just didn’t realise what the hell I was singing.

So picture it, I’m in the car and I’m singing a peppy, cheery, up-beat song I’ve always loved. Third Eye Blind. Semi-Charmed Life.

Remember this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCI4EGjIZx4

It came on the radio and I clapped my hands and said “I love this song!” because I’m five-years-old and lame.

And my husband looked at me suspiciously and said, “You know what this is about right?”

“It’s about someone thinking they have a semi-charmed life?” I said sounding, err,  five and lame.

And he said, “It’s about a guy doing drugs. Bump is a drug expression for a hit.”

WHA?

Hang on, wha?

And then I made the mistake of sitting in the car and googling the lyrics. I needed to take some Panadol and have a lie down after I’d read them:

The sky was gold, it was rose
I was taking sips of it through my nose (WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???)
And I wish I could get back there, someplace back there
Smiling in the pictures you would take
Doing crystal meth (OH SHIT, I HADN’T EVEN NOTICED THEY SAID THIS), will lift you up until you break

It won’t stop, I won’t come down
I keep stock with the tick-tock rhythm, I bump for the drop
And then I bumped up, I took the hit that I was given
Then I bumped again, then I bumped again
I said…

How do I get back there, to the place where I fell asleep inside you (I JUST VOMITED)
How do I get myself back to the place where you said…

I want something else, to get me through this
Semi-charmed kinda life, baby, baby
I want something else, I’m not listening when you say good-bye (GOOD BECAUSE I HOPE SHE’S SNEAKING AWAY TO RING NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS)

moment youve realised what the song lyrics are 380x266 That awkward moment when you realise your favourite song is actually about crystal meth.

Anyone else?

So now, this song is ruined for me. Ruined. I mean I can’t listen to this song now without thinking it’s being sung by some guy called Dave wearing a beanie, eating chips and doing crystal meth on 100 day old feral bed linen.
Naturally this led to a conversation with Brad about weird men in beanies but also on songs that I used to love until I found out they were weird.

Like the song  “Every Breath You Take” by the Police. Which is romantic IF YOU LIKE HAVING A FREAKING STALKER.

And Summer of ‘69, which I found out last year, has nothing to do with the summer of 1969 and everything to do with Bryan Adams having a summer brimmimg with oral sex. Nice one, Bryan. Next week why don’t you write a song about slapping the salami over the Easter break. #Klarssy.

And then there are just the lyrics which make NO SENSE TO ME.

For example.

When Beyonce sings Bootylicious and she says, “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly”

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?

Jelly?

WHAT THE WHAT NOW?

This post first appeared on Mamamia.

One Response to That awkward moment when you realise your favourite song is actually about crystal meth.

  1. David Gagnon says:

    The Summer of 69 is a classic double entender that Bryans lyrics has some truth to but the number dont add up. In 1969 Bryan lives in Texas & it is not until 1970 that Bryan arrives in a seldom mentioned hamlet between the Ottawa River, the Queensway & the Edge of the city. This is the same place & time that a future Tom Cruse would move down the road from a certain drive-in theater & five houses away from me but thats another story ENTIRELY. So 1970 is the year Bryan moves to Beacon Hill with the Queensway Drive-In Theater & also gets his “first real six string” from a toy guitar received as a Christmas present years before. Bryan, Tom & myself were base brats (born, raised & transferred somewhere) with violent alcoholic fathers hooked up to the military’s free flowing booze supply suing for divorce. In the video it shows Bryan working at the drive-in but he would have been far too young at ten or eleven for that. The actual reason Bryan would hide out at the drive-In was to get away from his family situation. Thats where I met Bryan, hiding 40ft off Shefford Rd. behind a large bush in a field of tall grass directly in front of the Queensway Drive-In, late summer of 70 or 71. I was slowly riding a 1969 prototype Raleigh Chopper bicycle that I think may be the more likely inspiration behind the “69” because he took it. Bryans explanation of a 69 sexual reference doesn’t quite jive & the song is generally considered about a lost childhood, a reoccurring theme in his lyrics. Bryan has stated it is not about a year but Jim Vallance has testified that Bryan was playing around with year numbers when developing the lyrics to this song. This is when Bryan started having problems with the police & long story short, the more accurate title of the song is “Summer of the 69 Chopper”.

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