What to do if your teen feels like blake lively ….

Right now, over the school holidays, there are a lot of teens who are having their own Blake Lively moment.

Let me be clear — we have no idea what’s fully gone down between Taylor Swift and her former best friend Blake Lively. And this post is NOT encouraging anyone to speculate on that situation. But what we do know is that 1000 people were invited to Taylor and Travis’s wedding yesterday … and Blake Lively was not one of them.

And that’s a situation many teens can relate to:

Being publicly dropped.

Having everyone bombard you with questions about “Why weren’t you at XXXX’s party?”

Dreading returning to school because you just know you’re the subject of gossip

Trying to salvage your reputation.

It’s A LOT.

So here’s some advice from me on how to move forward …

1. GET YOUR WORDS READY

I’ve said this before but it’s always worth repeating. When you know you’re going to be asked (repeatedly) about something — think of what you want to say and the tone you want to set AHEAD OF TIME. One sentence is often enough and that’s the sentence you stick to. So when random kids are saying “Why did you leave your last school?” or “Did you and Sam have a fight?” or “Why did you miss camp?” or whatever it is .. have your words ready. This way you won’t accidentally launch into a word salad and blurt our more than you ever intended. Get your words ready and stick to it.

2. DON’T TRY TO RECRUIT AN ARMY BY SHARING YOUR SIDE OF THE STORY AT SCHOOL

It’s temping to try and recruit people to your side but this rarely ends well and tends to just whip up a drama cyclone. Vent to your dog or your cousin. For now, just let the dust settle.

3. NO VAGUE POSTING ON SOCIALS

I know, I know. This is so tempting. But stay off socials for a bit especially if you’re tempted to post song lyrics or random quotes about untrustworthy friends or betrayal. All this does is start a drama cyclone.

4. APOLOGISE IF NEEDED

One of the things I teach kids is the importance of owning your impact … if you screwed up, admit it. Apologise! We all screw up at some point. The key is to own it and offer a sincere apology when it happens. The truth is … being willing to apologise in a friendship can actually strengthen the friendship in the long run because it signals a willingness to push through difficult moments. It can make a friendship ROBUST. If you mess up — own it.

5. CUT YOUR HAIR

Okay this one sounds weird – stay with me. A really common way to signify that you’ve changed internally is to change your hair. Sounds weird I know but it’s a public way of indicating that something has shifted and you are no longer the same person. You’re communicating that a new version of you has emerged. So if you’re trying to show people that you’ve changed … a hair cut can be a first step. Of course, this step needs to go hand in hand with the next tip …

6. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

Let’s say you screwed up and you want to communicate to everyone that you’ve changed. Show them rather than tell them – let your behaviour speak for you. If you’re no longer a gossip or a bully — let your daily behaviour reflect this change rather than running around telling people you’ve changed. Actions speak louder than words so let your behaviour do the talking.

7. LET YOURSELF GRIEVE THE FRIENDSHIP

Friendship break-ups are incredibly painful and we don’t talk about that enough. There’s a huge amount of shame and loneliness attached. After all we all know romantic relationships don’t last forever. But friendships? Technically there’s no reason why a friendship can’t last the distance … so when they do end it can feel incredibly embarrassing. Give yourself permission to be sad and when you’re ready, start working on making new connections at school.

8. START BUILDING NEW CONNECTIONS

You will find new friends, I promise. Start small. At school, look for people who are sitting alone in class and ask to sit next to them. Join some new school clubs. Outside of school, try to reconnect with old friends or join some weekend clubs so you can branch outside the school bubble. There are so many people out there who are waiting for a friend JUST LIKE YOU. Go find them. xxx

** If your tween or teen is in this situation right now — you can watch my What To Do When You Get Dumped By Your Friends webinar. It’s $27.50 and could be just what your child needs to move forward. https://rebeccasparrow.com/dumped/

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